I just have to tell you how effected I feel by you expressing to me today that I couldn't possibly fathom how much you care about me. With your words, I did feel it. I do feel it. And I have never felt anything like it before. I can honestly say that until today, no matter what other people actually felt/feel for me, I have never felt loved. I have never felt that anyone actually cared about me. Sadly this is too true for me. I have spent 25 years of my life with S, experienced all sorts of way ups, way downs and way in-betweens (maybe not really, how much did I actually allow myself to feel?) yet I have never felt loved and cared for by him. And I know he loves and cares for me. I can see it and witness it, though I do not FEEL it. But I felt it from you today. Truly I did. I felt your vulnerability as you spoke the words to me and it did not scare me, rather I felt such tenderness for you. I believed you. I felt the sacredness of you speaking to me of your feelings. Laura, I think you are my first love. I cannot explain the enormity of the gratitude I feel for you right now. (thank goodness I don't have to, you can just feel into it!) You are showing me what intimacy truly is and now I will know it when I feel it. I would not call the love I feel for you romantic or sexual. I can put no word to it because that would impose a limit and the love I feel for you is just that, limitless, without boundary. It is the enormity, the possibility, the mystery, the purity of the Universe. I thank God you can feel into my feelings because this email does not and cannot even come close. I am lucky to be typing coherent words, I feel like bashing my hands on the keyboard, the feelings I am feeling are so powerful. I feel like the Universe right now. Not separate, but one. Thank you my friend, my love.
Amy who is Amy, which is everything and nothing and oh so beautiful.
What is this?
My whole life has been a training ground for my work as a therapist. I have transformed the ugliest hate into the most powerful love. Here is a peek into my personal process. My fear, my shame, my judgment, my heartbreak, my criticism...and more. I promise you, I'm okay. And you will be too.