Thanks for your note. I wish you had called instead. My heart breaks.
Yes, I know I emailed, but I had just had a baby and I was exhausted. Deb called. I could feel her love regardless of her judgment of my life. My heart breaks for you and me.
If you had so much happiness, joy and satisfaction when I was born, why are you the mother you are now? My heart longs for your love.
I was once your little girl. I still am your little girl. My heart longs for a loving relationship with you.
I still have that sweet heart that has been broken time and time again by your spite and I still try to offer that sweet heart to you each and every time I see you. My heart breaks every time I think of you and how our relationship is not only broken, but that I am the only one who seems to reach out and try to mend it.
You break my heart almost every day, but I am grateful I can feel this sadness. I am so glad I can feel my heart to this depth. I am so grateful to have the most incredible gift of healing the wounds I have from you with my own daughter.
You disappoint me so often but I still so deeply love you. Disappointment is a passing feeling. Love is a staying power.
I still wanted nothing more than for you to have realized that in birth and in death, integrity rules that you put down the swords of old wounds and celebrate or pay tribute to another.
I still really wanted nothing more than for you to stop the defensive noise in your mind and feel your heart. Feel your love for me. Feel your love for your granddaughter. Feel the want in your heart to mend our relationship.
I know you want this just as much as I do. No one truly wants to have this much hate inside their body. It's not the way of the soul. I know this to be true.
All my love,
Amy, who really does hope that you open your heart before you die, but if you choose not to, please know I have never stopped loving you and never will.
What is this?
My whole life has been a training ground for my work as a therapist. I have transformed the ugliest hate into the most powerful love. Here is a peek into my personal process. My fear, my shame, my judgment, my heartbreak, my criticism...and more. I promise you, I'm okay. And you will be too.